Word Vomit: Coming out of a funk....

So last week, I was super fraking emotional, everything was setting me off. Words in Songs, Stuff being mentioned, posts on Facebook walls, the lot.

So Like a child I hid at the weekend, Friday night after work I went grocery shopping with one of my house mates, distracting enough, friends popped over, Got a little tipsy and was for the most part keeping it together.

Hugged my friend goodbye, the one who is moving abroad, That was hard, Super hard. The wall broke, My resolve of keeping things together crumbled.

So I hid, Stayed at home kept myself busy, Dishes, Laundry made dinner etc. (Though almost killed some friends with the sheer level of chilli) Socialised a little, then went to my room and burned through 2 seasons of a tv show just trying to stay distracted.

Thank Frak for Netflix.

Sunday I did better, made breakfast, socialised. Went to a friends to watch American Football. Just can't seem to lift myself out of this funk.

I am excited to be going to my first ever Comic Expo this weekend. I'm sure it will provide a wonderful distraction.

We have also decided My football team is the Chicago Bears. It seemed appropriate.

I like that my friends are happy to have me lean on them and a year ago my situation was not as good. I just get some mad at myself for being weak, upset all the time, I know I'll snap out of it and that it is a completely normal response when something so big happens in your life.

I am too independent a character to willing accept that I need people and that sometimes even though I hate unnecessary touching, or is some cases being touched at all, that even I want to be hugged sometimes and told everything will be fine.

I am not a hugger never have been and for the most part hug because I should but I sort of half arse it. I just don't really feel comfortable enough to give in. That aside I recognise when convention says you should do these things.

This post has gotten away from me a little. I will end with this.

How do we survive when the people that know us best in the world are miles and miles away?

Overwhelmed

For the most part I compartmentalize things, I get upset and based on the size of the issue, be it maybe and hour for some harsh words spoken or an annoying customer calling me names or an overreaction to a problem that wasn't really a problem to begin with to perhaps something larger like a few days for a break up.

Now when I say a few days, I mean a few days until people can talk to me about something innocuous without me turning into a blubbering mess.

It takes time to get over these things but you do and for the most part you grow.

It hard though little things can throw you off kielter.

I have been dealing with family stuff and money stress for a while now. My mother lives abroad which you are all aware of and soon My friend will be off too.

Though I am so very happy he is finally getting the opportunity to do this and how I always want him to be happy, I have become acutely aware that my best friend of around 8 years won't be down the road anymore.

I realise with modern technology these days that I won't be completely disconnected and I know I am being a little stupid but its hard you know.

Hard not to miss a constant in your life when it is essentially ripped away, to get it back for a time, to be severed again. Though that seems dramatic it is essentially what is happening.

As you know I hate to feel vulnerable, I hate asking for help, I don't take help well or gifts. I love being self sufficient and not needing anyone. Though I completely love my friends for trying and offering to help, I weirdly get mad at myself for reacting in a way that makes them feel like they need to even offer to help.

I know that seems weird but it is how I am wired. I know, I know I do these things for my friends without hesitation, so why not accept it from my friends. I have no answer. I find it extremely hard to lose the control of fending for myself, Especially since with the exception of my mother there has been thus far only one person I would allow to do this. Though I don’t like it I am able to ask for help and accept it from him and soon he’ll be gone.

I am absolutely fine with this. I’ll just miss him.

I hate that my brain explodes with words sometimes.

I feel like I throw them at people and then get mad at myself for lumping my problems on others.

So I am sorry, I am having a moment, it will pass.

Bare with me, Normal silliness will return shortly.

Youtube Ya'll

Sorry I haven't blogged mush lately, I have had the craziest amount of things on.

I have however been recording video on the Tube of You.

Sarah Bear's Youtube Channel

Check it out.

Bear News.

So it has been a few weeks,

I have been distracted by quite a lot of family drama and some social drama.

Plus my mother and my extended American family was visiting from The U.S. of A. It was great to see them again and was sad to see them leave but I am glad to had some time to myself again.

Spent the first week of their visit in Connemara, the west of Ireland, In what I have affectionately called the arse end of nowhere. Picturesque if you are looking to get away from it all, or spend some time with a special someone. Not so much if you are with a big chunk of your family and completely disconnected from your newly acquired group of friends, I mean the area the hotel was in (The bloody mountains, adjacent to the ocean) reception was non existent, Wifi pfft what wifi, ‘twas spotty at best. However bitching aside, it was for the most part enjoyable.

The American side met the Irish side finally, everyone seemed to get on with them which is good. I felt pretty on edge the whole time for my normal reasons, I always feel judged and there was so many people in a small area but despite that I muddled through.

Second week went better even if myself and my mom were at odds the first day of week two, normal mother daughter shenanigans, All is good. I drove them home last Friday. Took the scenic route home from Shannon Airport and by this I mean I dangermoused it and by that I mean, I guessed what way to go. Saw some of those pretty tree/road tunnels I like so much, Some funny small town names. One of which was BLUE BALL I kid you not. Drove past like 8 of these signs and NOT ONE PERSON had drawn the “S” on it. I weep for the youth of today, that is comedy gold.

Through all my stress at the moment and let me tell you it is considerable. I have been doing way better with coping with it, I won’t lie I cried at my mother with stress more than once over the last two weeks but I feel better for it. Stressed, but a calm stressed I can’t explain it any better than that.

Ate way too much while my mother was home so much that I actually put on like half a stone. I feel like an Elephant. It’ll be fine once I have been eating my normal food again, none of this rich business. Though I did have a rather fancy lunch on Sunday with friends, followed by a few drinks and an eventful bus journey home trying to avoid the drunk guy ahead of my friend and myself, he kept trying to make intellectual conversations. Quite funny.

People have been leaning on me for advice and a listening ear quite a bit the last week, which I find unusual but I can help so I do. I could always listen. I have two parents who talk a lot, people think I talk a lot but completely understand it after meeting either of my parents.

Other than that life is good. Friends have been super helpful to me lately, some more so than others and I am very grateful that they are still willing to put up with my shenanigans.

Ok then, for now, Bear Out.

Makeup Mouse: My First experience of OCC Liptars

So recently in a Facebook makeup group I am part of, One of the girls decided to organise some decants of liptars, were she would order them and decant into jars for the girls who signed up.

I had never tried lip tars but was always curious to try but as they are $18 each and I live in Ireland, it was going to end up expensive to test them.

So I signed up, I will post pics when I get them in the meantime two of the lovely ladies in the group offered to help a girl out.

I got one set of them on Thursday and yes I have pics for y'all.

OCC Lip Tar Hush

OCC Lip Tar Trollop

OCC Lip Tar Anime

Please ignore the allergic reaction post infection that is on my face.  It's healing so soon I will look normal again. One hopes. 

Big shout out to Jess, Cin and Samantha, You ladies are amazing.

Friends.

Having friends means rarely having lie ons.

Let me explain, I mentioned before about acquiring a large pool of friends through another friend last October, While this is incredible, it is also a completely new experience for me.

Since getting more and more "assimilated" into this group, I have been invited to more and more activities. SOOOOOO Many awesome activities.

This however means less time to sleep and cave.

Caving is what I call it when I stay in my bedroom most of the weekend, watching tv, reading or doing crafts but generally by myself. Alone time if you will.

Last two weekends I planned on caving but didn't end up managing to. Mind you I had a great time with friends both weekends, so what am I complaining about you ask?

Well not much, I enjoyed it, I realise that I am tired, I accept that I am nearly always tired. My sleeping pattern is the pits, Not at all helped by this super weather we are having in Ireland at the moment.

It is on average 24 degree Celsius the last few week and even hit 29 the other day.

We as a nation are not used to this, It also means that people go out wearing next to nothing.

I find it quite amusing what people deem appropriate to wear out in public, in broad daylight, in Ireland.

Anyway I digress. Friends = awesome and I am so grateful to have them.

So here is an apology for being narky and moody, I am just having some issues lately. Financial and Familial. Being guilt tripped, under appreciated, disregarded and not seen for you is hard.

People need to accept that I am doing my best and I don't want to feel bad about wanting to spend time with my friends or buy the occasional tshirt/comic/book.

However my mom is home from America soon for a visit, yay and stuff.

Random Mouse: One of those thoughts that sparks a few responses.

Sometimes I have random thoughts that I put on Facebook and they get funny comments, the one below was a particularly good one from Friday just gone. I felt the need to share it. Also I have taken the names out for obvious reasons.

I have just found myself wondering, if trees could talk to each other what would they say? Would they be civil? "Ah Ted, I see you have been branching out" etc or would they be nasty and all like "Bitch, I provide more shade than you" or "Did you see that Silver Birch, she didn't even have an eve leaf on"

Like ·  · Unfollow Post · Share · Promote

• "Person" and "person" like this.
• What goes on in that head of yours ??!!

  5 July at 15:24 · Unlike · 1
•  Leaf her alone.

  5 July at 15:24 · Unlike · 1
•  You're in my light...

  5 July at 15:25 · Unlike · 1
•  Oh god, i've got squirrels...

  5 July at 15:27 · Unlike · 1
• Thats Nuts !!

  5 July at 15:27 · Unlike · 1
• this vine is riding the trunk off of me

  5 July at 15:31 via mobile · Unlike · 1
•  look at the one, she's barking mad

  5 July at 15:32 · Unlike · 2
•  They'd all have wooden expressions.

  5 July at 15:34 · Unlike · 1
•  My nuts have dropped who'd have trunk it.

  5 July at 15:34 · Unlike · 2
• You've all gone nutty but this is why I am very frond of you.

  5 July at 15:39 · Like
•  Oak-ay, guys. I may sound like a beech, but I think these tree puns are just a little too poplar. I think we should go back to the root of this conversation. That being said, we could always try and spruce up "person" page with these, see how far we can get. Cos ash we all know, she can sometimes take a while to twig these things. Who knows, maybe she's just pine-ing for entertainment. 

  5 July at 15:42 · Unlike · 2
•  I'll let you at this yew. Punctuation Nazi ACTIVATE!

  5 July at 16:01 · Edited · Like · 2
•  Facepalm, Too many puns in one comment, It's all getting a bit acorny.

  5 July at 15:51 · Like · 1
•  I think "person"  should appleogise.

  5 July at 15:52 · Unlike · 1
•  I wood agree

  5 July at 15:53 · Like
•  Ewe wood.

  5 July at 15:54 · Unlike · 1
•  yer all barkin'....I'll get my coat!
  Also "person" I'm gonna hurt you for that!

  5 July at 16:02 · Unlike · 1
•  I'm going to go out on a limb here and ashume "person" wood get a kick out of this.

  5 July at 16:03 · Like
•  I spoke to a try once, he was a right plank.

  5 July at 16:32 via mobile · Unlike · 1
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